Monday, June 29, 2009

Thoughts from the dark

The power went off at work today. A small thing in the grand scheme of things but it stroked the muse and got the brain to firing. It occurred to me the odd powerlessness one feels during a power failure. You can do nothing...save wait...on the actions of a force bigger and more experienced than you, to restore light and activity to your world.

It also occurred to me how many times I experience this sensation when the darkness of night falls over the world. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the dark. (Drives my sister crazy when she comes to visit.) I love to sit in the night talking on the phone, praying over my loved ones, just watching the stars etc but it is also, most often, when I battle the Deceiver. In the dark, it seems, he can sneak closest before I become aware; whispering his lies, tearing at the crown my Father gave me, reminding me how unworthy I am, how can never be pure enough to be worth loving, worth saving. He quickly builds up strongholds of insecurities, seducing me toward the technically true legalism that would isolate me as though he knows very soon will come the morning and his time is short. Despretly he claws at my sanity, trying to drag me into confusion, dispair and maddness. I begin to pray; short, tearful, angry, broken, gasps to Jesus. Pleading to hear the truth of His love once again, fiercly asking to use the power of His blood in this fight, needing Him to free me from the lies that I'm not treasured, knowing that his purity covers me... sooner or later I'm spent and the odd sensation I encountered today washes over me. Waiting... waiting...waiting... knowing help is coming, knowing my distress has been noted, trusting that the Light will soon be restored my heart, that someone bigger and more capable is working to illumine me. And suddenly the dawn breaks in my spirit, light washing over my soul in a restoring flood. The Dragon's scream echos as he skulks back to his hole, cursing me and my Father. "Next time...next time I'll catch you alone in the dark..."

"Never!!"I smile, and as I look up at Jesus, he chuckles, reminding me the Light of the World has never had an outage.

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